Dreaming of a Writing Partner?

I recently got an email with the subject: Dreaming of a Writing Partner to Guide You from Idea to Treatment? But the whole subject was too long to see and all I caught before opening the mail was: Dreaming of a Writing Partner. Well, heck yes, as a matter of fact, I am! Hoping someone out there had cloned Tom Clancy and was offering either him or his clones for lease, I eagerly opened the mail. Then I saw the whole subject and sighed. Heavily. Okay, I could probably use a little help with "idea to treatment" but I doubt the $29 software they are offering could ever accomplish what I wanted from Tom Clancy's clone.

You see, I just want to borrow his name. Or JK Rowling's, or Rockne S. O'Bannon's, or Steven Spielberg's. Anybody's name that will sell books. My name doesn't cut it, nor does any other nomme de plume that I could legally use. I don't really want a writing partner to help me write. I need a writing partner to help me SELL. Heck, I am talking science fiction here. I could even SAY it was a clone and still sell books. I bet scads of people would buy a book by Tom Clancy's clone with C.F. Vici or Caprice Hokstad in little itty bitty letters right under that. In fact, forget me altogether. I'll ghostwrite it for Tom Clancy's clone. The real Tom Clancy wouldn't stoop to that, would he? I bet I could get more readers ghostwriting for an admitted clone than I could with my own unknown and un-enticing name. Come on, Writer's Store, where are the products I really NEED?